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Monday, March 12, 2007
Is it so much easier to Run?
I had a nightmare last night…actually, after much tossing and turning in bed, suffering frm a little bit of insomnia, due to a combination of factors. Firstly, that my hanging decorations were making a helluva noise above me, at my window, thanks to the breeze, Secondly, my neighbour’s mad poodle was barking incessantly, thirdly, the room felt kind of stuffy and fourthly, my mind was very unsettled by the news of L and her new bf. Not specifically that, but because of a whole host of other feelings I had about this…confused, puzzled, a little shocked, and…betrayed, to name a few.
Anyway, my nightmare was like this: My family was gathered around the dining table and seriously telling my aunt that she has a mental problem and that we would check her in to a mental institution anytime soon. She was really emotional breaking down into tears and covered her face with one hand and I felt very bad for her. Suddenly, she removed her hand and looked up with evil, possessed eyes. Then I felt that evil thing engulf me and I woke up, literally gasping with shock and fear. My eyes snapped open and I jerked a little off my bed as I awoke and realized this nightmare felt a little too real for my being…
Anyway, as it goes and Monday unfolds, my mum gave $4 to my aunt to go out and buy her breakfast (since we ran out of bread, which has been her daily breakfast), after confirming that she knew how to find her way back to our home. My aunt lucidly and clearly said “yes, yes” and that she “knows”, nodding her head firmly and looking at us with bright, clear eyes. No blur expressions, no vague answers. The money was handed over to her, my aunt grabbed her jacket and eagerly passed through the open door and she was gone. 1, 11/2 hour passes and she still hasn’t returned. When I eventually left for school and came back at 8pm, she had still not returned. It’s now 1am as I’m typing this blog entry and she still has not returned.
My family helplessly accept this as normal and inevitable. What she is doing, what she is thinking, no one knows, but we know she is out in the streets. Perhaps wandering aimlessly, perhaps chatting up strangers, perhaps lying on the cold pavement or some corridor right this moment…
Aunty, please come back, find your way home. Your home is here. Why do you not accept it? You are too old to live freely as the wind and wildly as an alley cat..
Come home.
Labels: aunt
11:04 PM