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Friday, April 20, 2007

Life goes on, and it’s only going to make me, and you, stronger.

This whole week, I’ve been trying really really hard to get some work done, to make way, make some progress, into my revision. Two, three weeks ago, I had the privilege to complain like, “what?! We are only given one week to revise? That’s so stingy. How are we going to do that?” and in my mind, I thought that I was gonna start my revision way in advance, have it all neatly planned out. Being lazy and procrastinating, Revision week soon loomed up. Now I’m grateful that we are even given a Revision Week at all. Yeah well, I’m trying to catch up on my readings, get my act together, form arguments for my coming exams, know what stand am I gonna take in my exam essays, and trying so hard not to be stressed, Cuz as the wise L says, “Stress does nothing. It only impedes your progress.” Hear hear. She’s such a good friend.

Today is Friday, maybe cuz it’s Friday, and I’m like, more relaxed (more like lazy) than usual, and my com is giving me problems! I just got it fixed up cuz some electronic part failed inside, we have no Norton protection, I had just installed the free McAfee, and every moment, warning msgs are popping up. So whenever my mum is using, I have to be on standby. Cuz I’m the resident computer engineer at home…argh. It’s not good to be a know-it-all sometimes. The com really wastes peoples’ time when it’s whacked up. So my whole morning was kinda wasted, I had planned to be halfway done with revising my English.

Anyway, we finally had lunch and then I had a kind of nice long conversation with my mum abt the past, abt my aunty at first. And all I can say now first is “Whao.” I understand my mum and dad so much better now, and the pieces all just fit together. I now know I can’t blame everything on them for how unhappy I was in my early teenage years due to the turmoils, anguish and hell going on at home. Every one of us felt so lonely and..lost. We really weren’t a functioning family at all. We all coped in our own ways I guess. And I can say that it’s a miracle we survived. It really is a miracle. Looking back, everything happened for a reason, my mum came out strong, I came out stronger, my dad became better, my bro, well, he stumbled along the way but we recently helped propped him back up again. I know all this sounds vague but I’ll say more in time to come. Cuz I don’t wanna spend so much time blogging, it’s already 12.15 am here, I gotta wake up at 7am tomorrow, and I’ll never end.

Right now, my family, we all are in kind of a settled, a little tense kind of situation. But that’s ok. Cuz I’m much happier where I am right now. Life isn’t perfect…that’s what makes it..life. Sometimes I think when I’m finally settled in heaven, maybe it can get a little boring there, cuz it’s said we won’t feel any sorrow or pain anymore over there. Cuz no sin exists there and we are souls, living, free from our bodies.

We just had a family prayer session a moment ago, and I’m soo glad. Cuz it’s always said, 3 or more fellow Christians will give you strength. It’s true, you can’t just pray alone for things to get better. You gotta pray together.

My aunty. Finding her was a miracle by itself. Again, it was purely coincidental that my dad’s friend spotted her, while they were making their way to a petrol kiosk. She put up a struggle, the cops were called in, but she turned meek soon after and came home with my dad. Gosh, there’s so much to say. In time to come.

I don’t wanna be numb to her, I don’t wanna ignore her. She’s not normal in the mind, but she’s still kind of normal, in that, she knows how to eat and sleep and go to the loo on her own. And she’s causing unrest in my house, the first day she came back, it was so bad, I couldn’t eat at the dining table with my parents, cuz they wouldn’t stop arguing over her. Hell, she may be living with us for the next 20 years, with a few runaways in between, no many, I guess. But I will have faith. Once my hols start, I’ll make sure I’ll do all I possibly can to make her feel more comfortable and help her to be able to handle her life and promises. I’ll certainly not wanna see her run away ever AGAIN, if that’s the one thing I can do.

Uni is a reader.
11:00 PM